divorcing a narcissist Part 2
As part of the narc series here, we are going to dive deeper into the bare bones of areas to note when divorcing from a narcissist.
Disclaimer: None of the Empire Life blog articles are meant to replace or are therapy or are medical or therapeutic or are counseling or lawyer advice. The articles here are merely citing from our personal experience on the team and with our clients, and in our own lives.
Please take what you need from the articles here and take what serves you in your time of mourning of the ending of a relationship with a narcissist, and do not take to heart what doesn’t serve you in these articles.
All of the blogs here on the Empire Life Blog are meant to give feedback from our personal experiences, clients experiences in us guiding them, and we hope the feedback can be nurturing for you in finding what you need.
The Sneaking Items That Narcs Can Do When Divorcing Them
We will be featuring narcissist expert Rebecca Zung in this article too, as she has a lot of excellent practical feedback about handling narcs throughout divorce.
She is the best-selling author of ‘Negotiate Like You Matter’.
If you are seeking great reads too check out our best-selling book here.
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1 Be Ready To Go On The Offensive
Figuring out what you can offer your children more than what they can. You will need to get your own house in order. Most of the time the Narc’s have beaten down their partner over the years, it feels forign to go on the offensive with them. There is a lot of fear and guilt when we start to think about turning things around. The offensive means to have multiple pieces of evidence, such as a write up, and then with texts or emails displaying the evidence.
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2 Take A Trusted Lawyer’s Advice From The Beginning
Most of the time there are three choices when divorcing a narcissist…stay, roll over, or fight.
Please think through before responding.
Only respond to the absolute needed things to respond, for example only respond to a question, such as “What time will you pick up our son on Monday,”.
A sample someone can respond is, “Thank you for your message, I deny any of your allegations, I’ll pick our son up at 3 pm Monday.”
Do not trust that they want to settle this peacefully, and do not sign any proposed agreement with them.
Hand your lawyer the leverage, know what to show them. They are not in your house and do not see all of what is going on. The documentation needs to be created with evidence with a summary to be able to hand to the lawyer.
Knowing what to bring to your lawyer is super important. Knowing exactly the laws of your state and which documentation to get together.
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3 Understand Which Type Of Narc You Are Handling
Clinically there are three types of narcissists.
The three types are: 1.) Covert 2.) Overt 3.) Malignant.
If you are unsure about which type your co-parent or previous partner you are divorcing from is, seek the guidance of a professional to confide in to figure this out. Perhaps you have already been to couples counseling, ask the trusted and professional therapist you both saw this question (only if you trust this professionals feedback).
4 Know Your Value
If you decided at some point to stop working or put your career on hold to be a ‘homemaker’, ‘stay-at-home wife or husband’, ‘helping with the family business yet not really paid for this’, or for another reason…it can be easy to forget your value. To forget the true value you are bringing to the home, or the home business. A great lawyer can aid in supporting you in discovering your value again, in regards to dividing assets and/or spousal support depending on the state laws in your state and how long you were married for.
We sincerely hope these support you in your journey of detoxing from a narcissist. There is much more to include here, and this is only the beginning of this topic. Make sure to leave a comment if you loved this!
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“Most of the time there are three choices when divorcing a narcissist…stay, roll over, or fight.“
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