Boundaries for repelling toxic people
Recently a friend shared a post on a Facebook group about why super successful women attract toxic relationships romantically or in partnerships.
Boundaries That Repel Toxicity
If you want to have a more peaceful, stable, loving, supportive, calm, tranquil, relaxing, and successful life, please keep reading to understand some boundaries to start incorporating immediately for these possible outcomes.
For the female businesses who are scaling, who are already making over $20,000USD-$40,000USD per month, there needs to be a different and unique level of support, just for you. This leads me to our mastermind (doors opening soon!!), and masterminds in general to be a part of, and contact us and apply here.
1 Respecting Your Time
Valuing our time is one of the most important qualities of successful people. I will go as far to state that all truly successful people value their time.
These are common behaviors shown in examples in the actions of people who value their time:
- Will give some kind of warning, albeit understanding the first time if it was an emergency, if someone is late to meet them and feel disrespected by someone being late to an appointment or personal meeting.
- Will set guidelines to how long meetings will be and are, and stick to those guidelines.
- Personally, will make sure a personal meeting ends when they want it to end.
- When designing a program for their business, they will have set meeting times, and will charge clients extra if they desire more meeting times outside of this scope or outside of the contracts scope of meetings agreed on.
- Will aim to be on time.
- Will seldomly make exceptions to squeezing something into an already hectic schedule, and time blocking schedule.
2 Speaking Up And Having A Strong Voice
Someone who is insecure in themselves does not usually want to hear your voice, your feelings, or your thoughts about situations. Also, if your voice threatens someone else’s ideas about life, they’ll sometimes aim to shut it down because they do not want to question their life or their life’s choices.
Having a strong mentor can really aid a person in finding and using their voice more, check this article out on our recent blog about knowing how to find a great business coach.
3 Setting Small Boundaries And Observe How A Person Reacts
When getting to know a new person or new client, it can be wise to make sure to set at least small boundaries and enforce them, then observe them. If a person is not okay with respecting a small boundary they are most not likely to respect big and more important boundaries you might set later in the relationship.
An example of this is stating someone you actually truly prefer they would do instead of something they did, and watch if they are able to respect this boundary.
Some examples of this are:
- Asking someone to wrap up the point they are making to make sure we stay on topic, if they are wavering from the main point, especially if you are coaching and mentoring them.
- Asking someone a preference, such as if you are hot and they are not hot they let you turn on a fan, or they turn on the air conditioning a little cooler if they can in the area.
- When you remind a client about the hours you are available to answer their questions, and they aim to reach out to you in those times and give you time to answer that you have stated it will take to get back to clients.
- In a romantic relationship letting someone know a small preference such as you really want to talk on the phone once a day, even for a short conversation, and they either dismiss this need or they make time to make sure you both talk on the phone and are present with one another.
4 Stop Making Excuses For Someone’s Horrible Behavior
Have you ever heard a friend discuss an unhealthy relationship where they say something like, “Well, their DAD (xyz relative) treated them horribly this one time when they were younger, they have a lot of trauma on this. It’s okay they’ll get better.”
I’ve been there too and have sadly made excuses and truly wanted to believe in the capabilities of a person I’d especially invested my love, support, and time in.
Some great questions to ask ourselves when someone is just not living up to the words they are saying, and they keep letting us down, or we feel exhausted and sad after talking to them or being around them:
Will they really get better?
If they wanted to get better wouldn’t they already be on this path to get better before you met?
Are they taking steps to get better, such as going to counseling, going to events about this topic, reading books to get better, aware of their own challenges and weaknesses?
It is easy to use words to state a person is on the path to heal, yet are their actions reflecting their words?
How long have they been saying they’ll get better?
If you set a boundary with them about something important or about how something hurt you, do they respect it, do they make you feel horrible about it, do they ask you to dismiss your feelings about it yet their feelings need to be validated?
When you are vulnerable with them, do they appreciate this, or do they devalue your feelings?
Do they repress their own feelings?
Do they lie to people they are close too? (If yes they will probably not hesitate to lie about you if they are upset with you)
Do they think your concerns are little compared to their concerns or that you just haven’t been through what they have and they have a right to act superior with their feelings compared to you?
The main takeaway from this above is → horrible behavior towards yourself from someone cannot be excused because they had some hard experiences when they were younger, or excused by their ethnicity, or excused by their nationality, or excused by their religion, and the list goes on…nothing excuses horrible treatment to another human.
If someone is treating you inhumanely and they are not behaving well, their past experiences, or anything else does not excuse this treatment.
With heavily investing in ourselves there is also no need to invest in multiple online courses which are not geared for the woman scaling her business.
There are mastermind and online courses primarily for the female founder who is just starting out. Where we guide them in finding and solidifying their ideal client, their client avatar, and hone in on their exact message, their true essence and bringing this to the world, in our Empire Life Blueprint Online Course, here.
5 Having High Standards For Yourself And Others
I’ve heard a lot of clients and female-identifying friends who might have really high standards for themselves, and in how much they are there for someone, and how much they do for someone, yet they do not have the same standards for others. Also, they might have a hard time admitting they need help or support, and this is truly a quality that repels toxic people too. Asking for others to also have high standards for themselves and be accountable for their actions, filters out a lot of people to encourage only high quality folks in your life.
6 Being Willing And Able To Admit Needing Support
Asking for support and letting someone know that you need support from them too, especially if this is a person close to you, reflects a lot back to you about this person. Such as if they expect you to always be there for them, yet they are not capable of being there for you in any capacity, this is a red flag.
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7 Bringing Up The Red Flags And Working Through Them Together
Do not shy away from bringing up red flags, or triggers you have noticed with someone. This will be a great indication of how receptive, how great of a listener they are, and will they truly put your needs as a priority. Did something someone say trigger a memory, think it through, and bring it up to them, without judgment or blame. Watch for them to course correct their behavior, and/or watch for them to dismiss and devalue your feelings, or a variation…either one of these outcomes gives great insight into the person you are in the situation with.
8 Put Your Well-Being And Self-Care First
Putting yourself first, not as a selfish way, or my way or the highway kind of way, yet in a way that your boundaries will be respected and your self-care is a number one priority for you. On days when you feel ‘meh’, there are still amazing tasks to do while taking a little bit of a mental day, or a step back, find more about these items here.
Some examples I have guided clients on and references are:
- One cannot pour from an empty cup. Meaning we have to fill our cups first before we can pour our energy/ resources into others.
- If you need to cancel or reschedule plans from feeling exhausted, burnt out, anxious, overwhelmed, it is probably worth it to analyze if it is an emergency, how long it will take you to do it, and if it’s needed to ‘put on the table (so-to-speak)’…otherwise aim to reschedule and plug in time in your schedule for self-care.
- Learn to say, “I cannot do that right now, and I can revisit this in three days (or in 10 mins, depending on the situation). Prioritize doing everything well (as possible) and being present in the moment in what you are doing.
Hope these were helpful, please let us know in the comments how you repel negative and toxic people, and maintain healthy relationships.
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“If someone is treating you inhumanely and they are not behaving well, their past experiences, or anything else does not excuse this treatment.“
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