Stopping The Guilt Little By Little
Was reminded of how I’ve seen this pattern before of thinking because there are bad things happening in the world that means I too need to suffer, that somehow it makes the world better to suffer too.
In my humble opinion → This is far from the truth…
From my experiences I’ve seen → when our cups are full, we can pour into others more.
Empty cups have nothing to pour out pour from.
I genuinely want everyone around me, myself, people in my online communities, and all people to live the best lives they can.
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You know that moment just when you just sank into the couch after standing all day, or after cooking a long meal, or after working hard (I can give more examples yet will stop here)…and then someone walks in and says (usually in a frantic way), “What!? Why are you relaxing, we have so much to do, so much to be worried about? What are doing!?”
This is a small example above of someone projecting their anxiety or worry onto another person, as in no one can relax until everything is done, or no one can relax unless I am, or perhaps a more ‘martyrdom view of the world’.
Yet I’ve seen quite a few ‘martyrdom’ ideologies in my own family of origin.
This was in my family of origin for sure, and many people overcame hard times in my family.
If they took a second to admit they might be tired or needed more rest or to rest this was not a good thing in some situations, they learned not to voice those feelings.
This leads to another point in…(with ‘grapes’ being interchangeable for anything that brings someone joy, pleasure, happiness, or wealth (and more can fill in the blank).
Where it becomes impossible to fully enjoy something without finding something wrong with it, or putting it down because not everyone can eat ‘grapes’ at that time, or worse putting someone else down (possibly degrading) them for not being unhappy while they enjoy something, or telling someone they haven’t suffered enough to enjoy ‘grapes’…
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Does this mean when we are eating ‘grapes’ we should not enjoy them?
Doesn’t this take away from our happiness, joy, and being in the present moment, and plus take away from gratitude?
Are people saying we need to not enjoy even the littlest joys in gratitude?
Are they happy to sacrifice this much? Or conditioned to have this level of suffering?
I experienced having some of these ideas projected onto me this past week. It got me to reflect on how far I’ve come in overcoming and breaking some of the generational cycles of suffering, or purposely depriving oneself and/or asking others too close to you for XYZ reason.
It happen to me this past week, when a community member, who is no longer a community member (because she exited the group and communities by her choice) in the Empire Life Facebook Group, had applied to be on the Empire Life Podcast, and become vehement towards me saying no to a topic she suggested to have our chat about on the Empire Life Podcast.
I did say no yet then I also offered quite a few edited topic ideas we could title the potential episode.
Albeit usually, we title them after recording because the conversation just flows.
The podcast is also given an outline of questions we will cover.
She suggested a topic in the podcast title, it read (in so many words, paraphrasing, to not include anything that might portray who this person was for their privacy), “Surviving in a world that is not getting any better when the world is going to sh**”.
I gave a lot of topic ideas we could create to cover the bases, such as having the main topic have ‘Tips’ or ‘Strategies’ for creating success in this world…
She wrote me back about how these ‘are the most challenging times we have ever faced in the world.’
And she angrily explained that she is unable to talk about ‘success in these times’, or use the word ‘success’ at all.
I started to see how this interview was not going to be a good fit, and that was okay.
I let her know this in as kind of a way as possible.
Also, I take full ownership of the Empire Life Podcast and the content we publish there.
I mentioned to her – How I did love giving concrete guidance and tips to the community at all times of the world.
And – How I really wanted us to stay connected and hoped she’d continue to be a member of the Empire Life communities.
She proceeded to email me several more times in many paragraphs to each email calling me quite a few names and launching in on a full-on personal attack on my character, such as saying because I suggested different titles that means, and I’m quoting (I will not include in the quotes anything that could identify her for her privacy) her below,
“I thought you were a force for consciousness trying to force me to talk about success is not this!”
“You are fake.”
“You are alpha.”
“You are disrespecting me to say more topics and not be able to talk about the one I said.”
“You are toxic.”
“You are dishing out fake positivity.”
“You cannot just act like nothing is happening in the world. It’s hard for people who feel.”
The catastrophic things happening in the world are devastating and to be honored in that, yet it is true I also choose to focus on how to be successful even in these times, in all times.
With strategies to get up time and time again.
I was kind, I was respectful.
I realized in the past I might experience guilt from the projections, about continuing to be grateful at all times, and good things happening to those around me and myself.
Even in my darkest times, I aim to find hope.
I also feel there will always be profound darkness in the world, but there will also be divine light, and I can do everything possible to live in the light and bring more light around me to myself and those around me.
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Aiming to bring hope, and live in hope does not mean we don’t know darkness exists and for myself, I know full well how dangerous and devastating the darkness is.
Can we really know true light without being able to tip our hat (admitting it exists) to the darkness too?
I know every storm passes eventually and we often come out more knowledgeable, and more ready for the future.
I know the world can always improve and I genuinely hope I add to that improvement, however little or big.
I had great boundaries about what we can or would not talk about on the podcast. And I was gentle about expressing them yet firm.
I had compassion during reading her emails and afterward that more often than not a person reacting in this way is most likely going through something.
Have you joined Quora yet? To speak your mind, ask questions, and display yourself as an expert there.
I emotionally and mentally sent her as much love as possible, while also happy if she did not feel aligned with my boundaries and mindset that she left on her own accord, even whilst her projecting anger and animosity onto me with lots of name calling and judgments, I let those go.
Makes it easier to let go when I understand it usually has nothing to do with me, it’s not personal. Albeit, it did feel personal at the moment, the more I reflected on past experiences the more I was able to realize it was not personal.
The people who are around me and in my communities, I want them to live so fabulously and peacefully more than their wildest dreams and for myself too, living lives of emboldening the world with their gifts and passions and making a ton of money while they are at it!
One of my favorite quotes is, “Find the work that sets your spirit on fire, and go do that, every day, we need more of this in the world, this will be a gift to the world.”
I believe this quote above also means to truly live as best we can, and exude our passion.
For the female businesses who are scaling, who are already making over $20,000USD-$40,000USD per month, there needs to be a different and unique level of support, just for you. This leads me to our mastermind (doors opening soon!!), and masterminds in general to be a part of, and contact us and apply here.
Hoping this article finds you well, and as always we love to hear from you in the comments!
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