The #1 Way To Avoid Toxic People
Toxic people will affect our lives in a tremendous way. We guide you here in crafting the ultimate repellent to ward off toxic people, without doing anything, and coming from a place of love, high vibration, inner intuitive guidance (trusting your gut), and setting and maintaining healthy boundaries. Often we don’t understand the full scope of the abuse until we have distanced ourselves from the abuser.
Disclaimer: If you are experiencing any physical abuse please call the proper authorities, and plan an exit strategy immediately. This article is not for anyone experiencing physical abuse or violence.
I will give you the ultimate #1 tip to see toxic people in their essence, understand how to observe them without absorbing their abuse, and continue to vibrate high with your boundaries and energy in tact. The purpose of giving this ultimate tip is to encourage everyone to vibrate high to achieve your career goals and live your best life.
Unfortunately, we cannot completely avoid toxic people, we might be in relationships with them, they may be family members, co-workers, and friends.
Giving everyone these tools to observe, withdraw, and not absorb toxic energy is the ultimate way to continue living in highest selves.
Let’s start the journey to launch and to unlock your online empire. Here are some of the starting areas we go over in the Empire Life Academy, which have been proven to unlock your true potential and step into your power.
IDENTIFYING TOXIC PEOPLE – A FEW OF THE MANY KEYS OF A TOXIC PERSON
- They lean towards bringing almost every conversation back towards themselves.
- When you clearly state your boundaries, they are constantly questioned, and ridiculed in various ways.
- As the relationship progresses you start to feel ‘unworthy’ of their company because there starts to be a projection of their unworthiness onto you.
- Eventually they start to say negative things about your support system, about your friends and family.
- When you are feeling down, they do their best to bring your further down by displaying unsupportive empathy void behaviors and responses.
- When they should be happy for an achievement you made, they find something negative or passive aggressive to state about it because they harbor intense jealousy.
- In major holidays they find anything and everything to criticize you about on the way or in preparation before the event, when the family arrives they completely change to put on their best face and behavior. Jekel and Hyde type of behavior.
- Things that bring you joy and light you up become highly scrutinized as things you need to stop doing. To prevent arguments and criticism you may stop doing these things. The purpose is to dim your light.
- You start to find more of your time dedicated to their lives away from your true goals and intentions. Away from the people you truly love, those that truly support and care about you. Even though you may have been through depression at some points, depression hits you hard and you start to feel like a ‘bad’ parent, friend, daughter, brother, and person in general.
- You may feel queasy, uneasy, having bodily responses. This is our intuition speaking to us before we absorb and go deeper into the toxicity.
- In progressive states of abuse, you start to imagine life easier in another life, having suicidal thoughts. In this case please call a suicide hotline and talk to someone experienced in these topics immediately.
- Your memory becomes questioned constantly, a method of manipulation referred to as ‘gas-lighting’. You may ask a simple question and it is answered in a badgering way to ‘blame shift’ and ‘gas-light’ you into thinking, perhaps even told by the abuser, ‘you’re crazy’, ‘you’re so dramatic’, ‘you’re so sensitive,’ or ‘you never remember anything correctly remember that one time…’, all common phrases to shift the attention away from the abuse and control.
KEYS TO OBSERVE AND PREVENT YOURSELF FROM ABSORBING TOXICITY
There is a method called the ‘grey rock method’, it allows a person to mentally observe, with no emotional response, non-responsive, boring and virtually similar to a rock. Often the toxic person has been studying you to understand your triggers, saying the absolute worst phrases to withdraw an emotional reaction from you.
WHAT TO SAY TO A TOXIC PERSON WHEN THEY ARE RAGING
A toxic person will feel happy to see and absorb your emotional reaction, whether positive or negative. They will be drinking in your energy when you have an emotional reaction. Furthermore, when someone is raging, being passive aggressive, extremely sarcastic, or rude, either walk away, or if you must say something, say something along the lines of, “That is interesting, I find it interesting you see it that way.” Do your best to say this in a neutral way, with no emotional or sarcastic underlying tones.
#1 WAY TO REPEL TOXIC PEOPLE
The number one way to repel toxic people is to ‘slow down.’ Slowing down means coming back into our bodies, our consciousness, our true intentions, our highest selves. Any toxic person absolutely despises you radiating at your highest self. You will see the absolute worst come out in them, the more you shine the more they will be obsessed with dimming your light, or they will disappear knowing they will have zero effect on you, they’ll move on to someone they will have an effect on.
How do we manage to get to this place, when out full intentions are displayed in our actions. It’s a daily practice.
Before anyone can honor us, we MUST first honor ourselves.
Starting the process of honoring ourselves is deeply rooted in being aware, self-care, self-love and confidence. We all have shortcomings, when we are fully aware of them, have forgiven ourselves for those shortcomings, these shortcomings no longer harbor any power over us.
One of the fastest ways for a manipulator to bring you out of your true essence is to find areas where you feel shame. These are often childhood wounds, past trauma, a story told in confidence to the abuser then brought up in a judging way later in conversation, and triggers.
They are serving as a mirror for us reflecting areas of pain, shame, and heartbreak, and all areas where we need to heal further.
In a healthy relationship we need to communicate to our partner how something triggered us, where the childhood wound is and ask gracefully for their support in us healing from this. A respectful healthy partner will honor your healing and be aware of your trigger in a sensitive loving way. These are bonding experiences in a healthy relationship.
In an unhealthy relationship with a toxicity they will utilize your trigger to further cause you shame, frustration, crazy-making, and inflict constant abuse.
Crazy-making tactics is when an abuser utilizing any trigger or past wound you have to essentially make you go crazy, i.e. lose your sh**. The reason for this is because it gives them a high, a rush of adrenaline to have an emotional response from you, it displays to them how they are all powerful to have this effect on you. Don’t give them this pleasure, and don’t give them your personal power. Stand in your power. You are worthy of love, of forgiveness, and of respect. We will cover standing in your power a little later in the article.
When we slow down in every situation with everyone, it becomes our choice how we react. We have full control over ourselves and how we react. We come to this point through our exploring our inner selves. Where are the wounds? Where are the triggers? Where do they come from? Feeling the pain. Crying for days. Fully letting these traumas go. Coming to a point of self-love, self-forgiveness, forgiving those that wounded us.
In one of counseling sessions years ago, I had an emotional release. I had a lot of pain around addictive behaviors in my own family, and when I connected with a family members’ past trauma, what they had lived, what wounds they had, I was truly able to forgive. I connected with their reality temporarily, this allowed me to come from a place of compassion. This compassion led to truly forgiving them. Letting go, and understanding they did their best. Sometimes it takes longer to forgive ourselves then forgive the person who hurt us. Eventually you will be ready to forgive yourself too.
CLEARING CHILDHOOD WOUNDS AND FORGIVING YOURSELF
Once these wounds are fully cleared, there is no one whom has the ability to make you go crazy, have reactions not in alignment with your true intentions, make you do something you don’t want to do, and completely disrespect you. You will know if they are fully cleared if someone brings up something from your past and you have no emotional reaction to it.
Over a decade ago I had 3 jobs while I was pregnant. Since this point I achieved a Masters, certificates, am a University Professor, am a Software Developer, launched and scaled 3 companies, raising an incredible child, and more.
Last year, my mom was introducing me to a neighbor of hers and she introduced me as I was working one of the part-time jobs, I had over a decade ago. I hadn’t thought about this painful time in my past in awhile. While this will have usually created an emotional response in me, feeling rejected, hurt, not validated for everything I have worked hard for…I had no emotional response. Zero.
I have forgiven myself, and love myself for how hard I’ve worked to be where I am, with zero handouts. Created my own support system, created companies, lots of personal work, personal development junkie, and completely have forgiven myself, and continue the personal work.
With her comment it could have brought up feelings of, ‘why didn’t I marry the best man for me’, ‘why has he never paid child support,’ ‘life is unfair,’ ‘why did I need to work 3 jobs to save and live life, what happen to my family when I needed them?’, ‘why weren’t they there for me’, ‘why am I alone’, ‘painful memories.’ We may spin out in these situations, into extreme anxiety, shame, and guilt. Suffering in isolating, shame and guilt are isolating behaviors unless we talk about them with others. These statements are not the truth of my current reality.
Since I have forgiven myself and my family I had zero emotional response. I took a huge deep breath, slowed down, and answered the neighbor neutrally,
The neighbor said, “Oh you’re a substitute teacher?” (a job I worked for a few months while pregnant part-time, along with 2 other jobs).
I said, “I was yes for a few months while I was pregnant. That was over a decade ago. I’m the Founder and CEO of Empire Life.”
Her, “Oh wow, so cool, love the name! What does your company do?”
Me, “We launch and scale online empires for entrepreneurs. We’re a tech and digital marketing company. Specializing in sales funnels, high ticket sales, business strategies, facebook ads, and more.”
Her, “Wow! (looking at my mom) Mom, you must be proud of your daughter, she is doing incredible things.”
My mom, “Oh yes, we are proud.”
This conversation could have gone into ‘crazy-making’ with me going crazy, feeling hurt, and blaming my mom for bringing this up. It was positively shifted because of my awareness, self-love, forgiveness for myself and my family.
Please comment if you relate to this.
When we are clear on our intentions there is no one that had the ability to sway us. If someone sways us this serves as a clear reminder how we are not yet clear on our beliefs around a certain topic.
SLOWING DOWN WHEN ENTERING RELATIONSHIPS
Another great story of slowing down is avoiding rushing into a relationship with someone moving too fast. Moving too fast may be defined differently for everyone. What I am referring to here is passing milestones of a healthy relationship rather quickly, with them feeling as you are riding a roller coaster rather than smoothly celebrating milestones in a relationship. Always checking in with yourself in your spiritual practices of how an idea makes you feel, what’s the bodily response to an idea. Examples of milestones are meeting each other’s family for the first time, being boyfriend and girlfriend, when to have sex or waiting until marriage, becoming engaged, talking about having kids or not, getting married, discussing moving in together, and letting them into your inner world.
In an unhealthy relationship with a toxicity these stages will be passed, or encouraged to be passed at lightning speed. Slowing down will allow you to come back to your true intentions and will reveal the other person’s true intentions. Do they make you feel guilty when you ask them to slow down a bit?
VIBRATING AT YOUR HIGHEST SELF
Slowing down to practice your spirituality, reflecting, continuing to be aware of your triggers as they come up and healing them these are some of the keys to living in your highest self. Vibrating in our highest selves is when we bring in the most money too, and the resonating self-confidence of self-love. We become clear on these deeper in the Empire Life Academy and in our private facebook group, and on the weekly Q & A calls, also with one-on-one clients. Then launching and scaling a business in your highest vibration. Want to get started in launching and scaling your online empire you can contact me on Instagram and LinkedIN.
“Giving everyone these tools to observe, withdraw, and not absorb toxic energy is the ultimate way to continue living in our highest selves.”
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Wow, you have a lot of research and work in this area! This was such a brilliant rundown and definitely summarizes what I have been learning about removing toxic relationships from my life too. These people may suffer from a personality disorder too. I would love to see more of your thoughts about healthy boundary setting, esp with toxic people.
Wow thanks for this! Yes, there is another article in the works related to setting boundaries with Narcissists, it can also apply to Borderline Personality Disorder, and more PD’s. Thank you for your support and being here!
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Thank you for this comment, thanks for your support, very happy to have you in the Empire Life Community. Will appreciate any further thoughts you have on this topic too. Thanks again!
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